MV Muff Diver Ships Log

08:12:CET: Cpt. Cockinner

Status 'Red'

A small vessel, the Dioptric Surveyor approached us from the north east at full steam whilst we we're on the surface. My understanding of this floating wreck is that it is chartered by the British Government and used by the DTI. She kept her distance and circled like a distressed puppy when we sounded the Missile Launch Siren, but as yet no radio contact despite hailing this pathetic little bath tub on numerous occassions. We have submerged and are now tracking the Surveyors movements (would be nice to track her up the Thames submerged and blow the fuck out of her). We sent dirty underpants and soiled toilet paper to the surface around their vessel as a warm welcome. I have a feeling that this little bath tub won't be seeing the shores of little England for much longer. We need the target practice and my crew are blood thirsty.

20:29:CET: Cpt. Cockinner

Extended my watch today to keep an eye on this pesky boat, it's like a fly buzzing round you all day. We finally made radio contact with the Dioptric Surveyor and reminded them they are in international waters and we are from now on, going to 'spy' on them. I played back their conversations they we're having aboard their little dinghy on the bridge via UHF radio link which totally freaked them out. I've reminded the twats that we are monitoring their every fart and if they continue to follow us for the next 24 hr period, we would take pleasure in using their boat as a Tin Can in a bit of target practice. They have now resulted using a primative form of hand signals between each other and whispering to try and stop us monitoring them.

At 00:00 Hrs, I have scheduled an EM Pulse to zap their electronics and gameboys they have on board. At Mid-Day tomorrow, if they have not left the area, I will deploy a XMGM-52B Sea Lance thermonuclear (200 kT) Missile which quite frankly is overkill, but will make great fun watching it from a distance away. They will recieve a standard 3 minute warning.