MV Muff Diver Ships Log

04:22: CET: Cpt. Cockinner.

All Systems OK. More 'kin light bulbs blowing. Even the Red emergency bulbs in the Control room blew. Dragged Chief Engineer out of bed to investigate.

11:00 CET: Cpt Cockinner:

Daily Systems Check:

Nav systems - Off Line

Sonar - Serviceable

Reactor - Online, green.

Power System - Online, Green

Electro Engines - Green

Generators - Online, Green

Weapons Systems, Online - Green

Oxygen - Full, Clean & Green

Water (Drinking) - 84% Capacity

Radiation Levels (Public Areas) - Clean 0.03 R/hr

Radiation Levels (Reactor Room) - Normal 1.8 R/hr

Transmitter - Serviceable

14:08: CET: Cpt. Cockinner

Chief Engineer reports that electrical system is 100% operational and correct. He confirms that the lightbulbs are cheap and nasty and advices that an alternative to Asda light bulbs be obtained. He also recommends long life halogen bulbs which consume less power too. Told him to fuck off as they are three quid a piece.

We will surface today to get some fresh air, conditions above are pleasant so we will take this opportunity to get some sun on our pale faces

04:45 CET: Cpt Cockinner:
External diving team inspected the SFA antenna and all seemed ok. Noticed that barnacles are already making the MV Muff Divers hull home. Water Temp 8C

07:38 CET: Cpt Cockinner:
Breakfast with the crew, morale is high. Ben Dover & Dick Hertz are excited about their programme feature starring Sponge Bob Squarepants and Patrick. German DJ Hans Downapantz seems a little out of place and rarely joins in with the banter on board. This could be purely down to his German Personality or lack of Grolsh he keeps complaining about. Put a request in to HQ for a shipment of 6 crates to see if that cheers the miserable sod up. Our new News Reader, Ringer, has settled in very well performing Queens 'I want to break free' on Ben Dover's Karaoke machine last night in the 'Urchin' Bar.

+++Inventory Requirements:+++

188 Cans of Red Stripe
6 Crates of Grolsh
74 Tins of Tescos Baked Beans
200 Bananas
300 Rashes of Danish Bacon
60 Tins of Processed Marrow Fat Peas
400 Aunt Bessies Yorkshire Puddings
120 Kg Beef
40 Frozen Chickens
1 Months Supply Various Vegatables
10,000 Benson & Hedges
300 Mild Hamlet Cigars
500 Maxi-Soft Toilet Rolls
100 60 watt lightbulbs (Keep blowing for some reason)
1 Box of 'Flying Saucers'
4 Spare output valves for transmitter
80 Bottles of Mr.Matey Bubble Bath

+++ENDS+++


11:00 CET: Cpt Cockinner:

Daily System Check

Nav systems - Off Line
Sonar - Serviceable
Reactor - Online, green.
Power System - Online, Green
Electro Engines - Green
Generators - Online, Green
Weapons Systems, Online - Green
Oxygen - Full, Clean & Green
Water (Drinking) - 87% Capacity
Radiation Levels (Public Areas) - Clean 0.05 R/hr
Radiation Levels (Reactor Room) - Normal 2.0 R/hr
Transmitter - Serviceable

The 'Urchin' Bar on board the MV Muff Diver
with Lt. Wrench posing at the bar

15:38: CET: Cpt Cockinner
It's Friday, POETS Day, so I'm off to the bar and handed control over to Lt.Wrench. TF the weekend is here.

18:07: CET: Lt. Wrench
Systems all OK.

23:46: CET: Lt. Wrench
Light bulbs blowing again in the Galley and Cabin access areas. Probably cheap light bulbs from Asda the cause. Have informed Cheif Engineer to investigate.